Dear diary,

Cancer sucks.  It really sucks for the person who has it obviously but it also sucks for their loved ones.  I was talking with my mom and we were discussing the “worse case scenario”.  I know that must sound horrible but it is a very real conversation that has to be had.  We don’t know what could happen tomorrow but it helps to know that you both are on the same page.

My poor mother was actually worried that she would lose her house and not have any money and be alone.  That floored me.  Just the thought of my mom thinking that way made me so sad.  In my own mind, I too had thought about what we would do.  I told her that my thoughts were.  She would have to sell the house (it is almost paid off) and we would use part of the money she made and part of my husband and my personal savings and by a bigger house (we currently live in a small condo) that we could all live in.  Maybe something with a detached guest house or a tiny house in the yard for my mom to have her own space.  She was sobbing on the phone and asked me:  “you would do that for me”?  Of course we would do that for her!  She is my mother, literally our only family (my husband doesn’t have any family and I am an only child and so is my mother), why wouldn’t we help her?  I told her it would actually bring me great joy to have her living in the same state as me and even more so the same city!  I also said that if dad pulled through this, I wished both of them would move here and we could help take care of them better.  She is much more open to the idea then my father, but sometimes going through a traumatic life event has away of changing a person.

It’s really hard being 1000 miles away when something like this is happening.  My mom is doing her best with everything.  She tries to remember everything the doctors are telling her so she can keep me informed but it’s hard.  She is also trying to keep up with her everyday “normal” routine so that this all doesn’t completely consume her.  She wants to start to making changes in her diet and has thrown away a lot of junk food at home.  She is worried that when she goes to the store she won’t know what to replace those items with.  I bought and sent her a Instant Pot so that she would have a tool that would make changing her diet easier.  In time I do want to come visit so I can show her what/ how to cook healthy, easy, plant-based meals.  She is worried because she is not a “cook” but I told her neither was I and you just have to learn as you go.  I’m still not a “cook” per say, but I try to make easy meals with everyday ingredients.  It doesn’t have to be complicated to be healthy.  She is really trying to do everything right.

Thank you mom for being so strong.  I love you.

-a MAD, american, Vegan


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