Never goodbye… I will see you later.

Dear Diary,

Richard Neal Dennis was my father.  He passed away at 5:22am, today, Friday July 21st, 2017 after a short but aggressive battle with cancer.

Part of me died today.  A part of my heart will forever hold a spot for my father.  My daddy.

You only lived 27 days after your diagnosis.  Not even a full month.  But you were so brave about it all.  You never let mom or I think you were scared.  You answered all the questions we had and the main thing you were worried about was whether or not mom and I would be ok.

We will be ok daddy.  I promise you that.  We will live on and carry you in our hearts forever.  And I promised you that I would do something great in your honor.

You told me to use my words to tell the world about everything that is wrong with our “healthcare” system and how our government fails us every time they allow big agriculture, dairy and pharmaceutical companies dictate what we should be eating or what is “healthy” for us.  You paid the ultimate price for years and years of lies and false information.

Please give me a sign while I try to figure out what to do in the future.  You always believed in the little guy and I am going to be a small fish swimming in rapid, deep, and uncharted waters.  Guide me with you light and love.  I will always be watching.

Rest in peace daddy.  I love you and I will see you later.  8-7-41 to 7-21-17

~a heartbroken, determined, Vegan

The C Word

Dear Diary,

I never really gave too much thought to cancer until now.  I mean I was doing a lot of things in my personal life to make sure I could prevent myself from diseases that are fueled by the foods we eat like, heart attack, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity and of course cancer but I wasn’t focused too much on one or the other.  I just knew, with what I had learned over the past 4 years, that I wanted to do whatever I could to have a good fighting chance again any and all of them.  It wasn’t until most recently, when my father was diagnosed with colon cancer that more of my focus and anger went to “The C Word”.

Now, I’m sure part of this is a coping mechanism, but I have become almost broader line obsessed with knowing everything I can know about cancer, cancer prevention, and cancer treatment through the foods we eat, the products we use and the lifestyles we live.

The C Word was a great documentary that covered all of the above.  It is primarily about a woman who had suffered from breast cancer and how she wanted to find a different way to treat and prevent it from coming back.  She learned of the studies and writings of Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, the author of Anti-Cancer, and made it her mission to meet him and hopefully get him to agree to making this documentary.  Below is just a sample of the things they touched on.  I would highly recommend it for anyone who has dealt with cancer themselves or with a family member, as well as anyone who currently hopes to never have to cross paths with cancer in the first place.

-After tobacco companies had lost the war over if they should be labeled as “causing cancer” they turned to a new tactic, they started to invest billions into the foods we eat.  In 1985 tobacco company RJ Reynolds bought Nabisco Foods and Philip Morris bought General Foods and a short time later also bought Kraft.  This merger made them the largest food producers in the North America.  Old addictions started to fuel new addictions.

-In 2011 big food companies, including Coke and Pepsi, spent over 27 million lobbing politicians.

-There is no regulations by the FDA of what chemicals can go into household products or beauty products.  The cosmetic companies literally fund their own testing, so who knows what they are reporting.  We are the industry’s own personal test animals.  (Check out an app to test what is in the products you are buying called EWG’s Healthy Living).

-The amount of stress in our lives is the silent additional cancer causer.  Cortisol and adrenaline have the power to turn on cancer cells and help them spread.  So just as it is important to eat the right foods and exercise, it is important to relax and reconnect with ourselves and others.  As human beings we need a sense of connection with other humans.  In order to feel meaningful we need to feel like we are apart of something bigger.  That we are all connected.

Cancer sucks.  Being lied to sucks.  Being poisoned sucks.  But feeling helpless is even worse.  Do the research and light your own path.

~a MAD, american, Vegan

 

 

Is there anyone out there… cause it’s getting harder and harder to breath?

Dear Diary,

Today’s anger meter has been in the red zone.  I talked to my mom today.  We talk just about everyday, sometimes even twice a day about how my dad is doing.  He is still in the hospital recovering from surgery.  He has to “get better” so that they can start chemo to kill all the cancer that still remains inside of him.  It’s funny how you have to get well enough, to then have your whole body poisoned, in order to “cure” you.  But at this point, it is, what it is.

Today was the first day that he could have food after not being allowed to eat for over a week.  This is where things begin to heat up.  The very first meal they brought him consisted of a BEEF filled sandwich of some sort!  My mom and to flag down the nurse and explain to her that they don’t eat red meat (they are not vegan or even vegetarian but haven’t eaten red meat in over 3 years).  She kind of looked at my mom like she was crazy and then said she would bring him something else.  The something else consisted of a cold-cut TURKEY sandwich.  It just keeps getting better and better.  Then when they were discussing what he would like for dinner and breakfast the options seemed a little “off” there too.  They were offering a lot of foods high in sugar.  My mom and to ask again if they were aware that he was also a diabetic?  They said there was no note of that for the staff preparing the meals.  How the FUCK, do you not have note of a DISEASE, that a person has, that is trying to recover??  How can you expect to get someone “well enough” for cancer treatment when you are feeding them the SAME DAMN FOODS that over time, put them in the hospital in the first place????  I just cannot, in my right mind, understand.

I wish I was there.  I wish I could talk one on one with his doctor and try to come to some agreement of what would be best to be feeding him and what isn’t.  I wish I could SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF some of these people.   I understand that they have a lot going on and a lot of people to look after but certain dietary needs should not be over looked in my opinion.

Breathe………….ok.

I am now 37 years old.  Up to this point, I have never really known “what I want to be when I grow up”?  I have always had great jobs and moved up the chain of command pretty successfully at each one.  But none of them were ever my passion.  I have no idea where to even start but I want to do something…… anything….. so that others in similar situations do not have to feel so alone and so angry.  I want to help spread the word about the benefits of a whole foods, plant-based, vegan lifestyle.

I know this is going to be a huge undertaking.  Like I said I have NO IDEA of where to even start.  Should I go back to school?  Should I write a book?  Should I volunteer?  Blog more?  Take an internship?  NO IDEA.  I just know, that if I don’t do SOMETHING I will feel like the loved ones in my life will have had all these struggles and future struggles in vain.  I feel so helpless right now and I can’t spend the rest of my life knowing I didn’t try to do anything.  It saddens me to say that it might be too late for my family, but if I can help others to understand, then it will be worth it.

If anyone reading this, can offer any advice of a field/cause that they feel would be a place to start please comment.  Sometimes it takes a village.  

-a MAD, american, Vegan

The miles between us

Dear diary,

Cancer sucks.  It really sucks for the person who has it obviously but it also sucks for their loved ones.  I was talking with my mom and we were discussing the “worse case scenario”.  I know that must sound horrible but it is a very real conversation that has to be had.  We don’t know what could happen tomorrow but it helps to know that you both are on the same page.

My poor mother was actually worried that she would lose her house and not have any money and be alone.  That floored me.  Just the thought of my mom thinking that way made me so sad.  In my own mind, I too had thought about what we would do.  I told her that my thoughts were.  She would have to sell the house (it is almost paid off) and we would use part of the money she made and part of my husband and my personal savings and by a bigger house (we currently live in a small condo) that we could all live in.  Maybe something with a detached guest house or a tiny house in the yard for my mom to have her own space.  She was sobbing on the phone and asked me:  “you would do that for me”?  Of course we would do that for her!  She is my mother, literally our only family (my husband doesn’t have any family and I am an only child and so is my mother), why wouldn’t we help her?  I told her it would actually bring me great joy to have her living in the same state as me and even more so the same city!  I also said that if dad pulled through this, I wished both of them would move here and we could help take care of them better.  She is much more open to the idea then my father, but sometimes going through a traumatic life event has away of changing a person.

It’s really hard being 1000 miles away when something like this is happening.  My mom is doing her best with everything.  She tries to remember everything the doctors are telling her so she can keep me informed but it’s hard.  She is also trying to keep up with her everyday “normal” routine so that this all doesn’t completely consume her.  She wants to start to making changes in her diet and has thrown away a lot of junk food at home.  She is worried that when she goes to the store she won’t know what to replace those items with.  I bought and sent her a Instant Pot so that she would have a tool that would make changing her diet easier.  In time I do want to come visit so I can show her what/ how to cook healthy, easy, plant-based meals.  She is worried because she is not a “cook” but I told her neither was I and you just have to learn as you go.  I’m still not a “cook” per say, but I try to make easy meals with everyday ingredients.  It doesn’t have to be complicated to be healthy.  She is really trying to do everything right.

Thank you mom for being so strong.  I love you.

-a MAD, american, Vegan

Something to be a little less angry about

Dear diary,

Oh thank goodness, we are finally taking a step in the right direction.  This morning I woke up to something that has given me a little bit of hope for myself, my family and really for all Americans.  The American Medical Association (AMA) has passed a new rule to be put into place in all of our hospitals.  They are removing all processed meats and animal based products and replacing them with plant-based alternatives.

After all the grief and angry I have been feeling in these last couple days; along with the worry I have for my father who is currently in the hospital, I have a small amount of happiness in my puffy, cried out eyes.  Even though I’m sure it will take time for these changes to be put into place, it is huge step in the right direction.

We cannot make people healthy again by offering them the same foods that put them in an unhealthy state in the first place!!!  As I mentioned, my father is currently in the hospital with a very grave diagnosis (please refer to my “one MAD Vegan” about me for more details) and one of the things I am so concerned with is what kind of nutrition he will be receiving while he is there?  They have already pissed me off when I found out that they gave a DIABETIC a 16oz GATORADE, that had over 60 grams of sugar in it, to take his barium for his CT scan.  I came unglued and almost jumped through the phone when my mother told me about this.  She actually asked the nurse why they would do such a thing and the nurse’s answer was:  “you know, that’s a really good question”.

It’s time for us to all make a stand.  To ask questions.  To get angry.  To do the research and then stand by our beliefs.  Our voices and most importantly, our money, can speak volumes to these larger corporate entities.  As mentioned in this article, hopefully the AMA’s stand will trickle into our schools and other government-run programs such as welfare.  I mean our schools house our future and our future is looking pretty grim going down the path we are currently on.  Somethings got to give.  Something has to change.

Click here to view the entire article.

~a MAD, american, Vegan